It all started with a good nights rest….then POW…3am in
Friday morning I walk up and felt it, a kink in my neck. But, not the normal kinks when you sleep
weird, this one was different. I tried
to rub it out, and figured it would go away, and then I tried to get ready for
work…I couldn’t pull on my pants, bend over, or put my I.D. badge over my head,
my whole right side had worked its way into an incredibly painful spasm. I trudged it too work and my co-workers were
very patient and understanding, they were picking things up for me, there to
catch me when I almost fell…multiple times ( don’t know what that had to do
with the spasm), to say I was off my game.
I found a wellness center and called them and said, “ I have a spasm on
the right side of my body, what do you have after 4pm today, I don’t care if
its, Chiro, acupuncture, massage, whatever just give me something”. She probably thought I was crazy, but gave me
a Chiro consult and “massage” appt.
Dr. Dan was so kind, he was laughing at me as he examined my
range of motion, which was pretty pathetic.
He was also very attractive ( married, but still), he kept saying things
like, “ I’m just trying to think what I want to do with you today”, “ don’t
want to be too hard on you today”, every
time he said that I would say that I would giggle inappropriately in my mind “ I
know what you can do with me”, then I’d laugh at myself and remember I looked
like a robot made of stone. He finally “did
what he wanted” with me, and then I couldn’t push myself up off the table, so
Dr. Dan, ever so gently had to reach his arms around me and hold me while he
lifted me up. I mean, seriously Dr. Dan,
you’re killing me with your hotness right now.
When that was finished his masseuse gave me a quick “massage” but she
was afraid to put pressure on me, so it pretty much just felt like energy work
with no pressure. I went home still in
need of a deep tissue massage, with no one around to do it.
I went to sleep early and at midnight woke up in excruciating
pain. I would try to move and my breath
would get taken away, I needed a cortisone shot to release the spasm and urgent
care wouldn’t open for 7 more hours.
There was no way I could sit on the couch and look straight for 7 hours
at the risk of moving wrong and not being able to breathe. I decided to cave into the pain and went to
the ER. I was too afraid to go to an ER
in East Harlem, because I was pretty sure it would be full of meth addicts and
people pooping and peeing everywhere, so I googled one on the Upper East Side. Needless to say, I don’t know if a “better”
ER really exists anywhere, but for some reason I thought it would manner. I was wearing a pajama dress ( visualize that
how you will) and slapped on some sneakers to head out. I really should have taken a cab, but I knew
the ER co-pay was going to be pricey so I trekked it on the Subway, which
actually wasn’t too bad and brought me right in front of Lenox Hill
Hospital. The ER wasn’t busy, there wasn’t
even any people for me to talk to and make friends, so I just sat there. They took my vitals and all that jazz and
just moved me to different waiting areas.
There was a lady who was dressed up nice with a big cut on her head
hobbling around in high heels, and then 2 young girls, separate from her also
hobbling around in high heels. Nothing
too crazy, no commotion, or good stories
to tell. I just sat there, looking
straight ahead, no reception on my phone, no magazines, nothing to do but watch
some random movie on BET that was quietly playing and read the hospitals
privacy policies ( riveting really). After 3 hours of sitting there, a Dr. lady
came over ( no more hot Dr. Dan), she asked me some questions and then said “
okay, I’m going to give you some Tylenol”
WTF. I want a effing cortisone
shot and did not sit here for hours in the ER to walk away with some effing
Tylenol. I let her finish he sentence
and she added on some valium to that Tylenol which calmed me down a little
bit. I wasn’t supposed to take it and go
home alone, but alas, I’m a big girl and did it anyway. Apparently they don’t do cortisone shots in
the ER, really wish I’d known that
earlier, but the damage was done. She
gave me a prescription for a few muscle relaxers to get me by for a couple
days, and sent me off. I didn’t even get
a freaking hospital bracelet, that’s like the coolest part about going to the
hospital is the jewelry you come out with.
Needless to say, that was a colossal waste of time and
money. Still in pain, I found this 24hr
massage place by Grand Central with fairly cheap massages. I figured they would be sketchy, but at this
point I didn’t care, I needed someone to rub out part of this spasm. SPA45 was pretty clean, small rooms, but
clean, and they work they did helped my spasm.
I can now pull on my pants, carry my purse, and function back to normal with
only a smidge of pain, which hopefully will relieve itself once I’m able to
enlist some friends to give me some neck massages.
My pride was definitely shaken this weekend. I pride myself on my high pain tolerance,
which I still think I do have, but it’s not nearly as strong as I thought it
was and that makes me lose some street cred.
All in all, not the weekend I had planned, or what I wanted
to do with the beautiful weather we’re finally having ,but alas, another
interesting New York City experience to jot down. I
guess I’ll have to pay more attention to my crazy sleeping positions.
Much Love,
Lolo
